Dear Deanna!
I think it’s disrespectful how my brother’s wife pretends to be so helpless with the men in the family. My brother is a trucker and he’s on the road most of the time working. She purposely calls the other husbands seeking help with her plumbing, car problems and calls to ask stupid questions. The women in the family see through her and think she’s a big flirt. How do we address the problem without being viewed as “haters” or accused of jealousy?
Tina (Charleston, SC)
Dear Tina:
This can be handled through dialogue and communication. Address the issue with your brother first and share your plans with him. Then address the concerns with your sister-in-law as a group. Provide solutions by giving her a directory of names, phone numbers and addresses for every problem she could possibly encounter. Lastly, each of you need to also talk to your spouse as well and issue boundaries in relations to them jumping to her every call.
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Dear Deanna!
My mother plays favorites when it comes to my younger brother and sister because of who the father is. She is with my brothers father and she’s trying to hold on to a failing relationship. My brother is a terror and gets away with everything because if he is disciplined, that causes an argument. I am sick and tired of my little sister being miserable, going through punishment while my mother makes a fool of herself. How can I get through to my mom?
Anita (Wilkesboro, NC)
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Dear Anita:
You’re mature enough to see the problem so you should feel secure talking with your mother woman-to-woman. Simply point out the differences she makes between the two children and the harm she’s placing upon your little sister. At the same time, you need to show her the flaws in the relationship without making it personal. Have this discussion in a neutral setting and also point out positive things as well as the negative and hope for the best.
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Dear Deanna!
My grandmother is embarrassing because she’s old and still trying to act young. It’s annoying to see my grandmother trying to sing rap songs, smoke cigarettes and wearing jeans. My parents don’t mind but I don’t think its right. I feel that she makes herself look foolish and she doesn’t realize that people are laughing at her. I would like a few suggestions on how I can have this discussion with my grandmother without appearing disrespectful?
Amber (Oklahoma City, OK)
Dear Amber:
Your grandmother is old enough to live her life without worrying about what you or anyone else thinks. You could learn things such self-confidence and the ability to love life from this woman. If she was smoking marijuana and dressing like a hoochie, you would have a legitimate problem. But since she’s enjoying life, you should relax, take her shopping and be blessed that you have a grandmother that’s on her feet and not deceased or in a nursing home.
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